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Messin' with the "purists."

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Messin' with the "purists."

Postby bloodbred » Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:36 pm

It's kinda like messin' with Sasquatch, only Sasquatch doesn't shave his legs, wear spandex, or a bright yellow Jedi helmet. I'm talking of course about the purists--snobby, stoic fellows who ride velocipedes molded out of reconstituted moon rock and humming bird feathers. These cycling curates eschew the very notion of adding any form of motorized assistance to their machines, and in their written work, often castigate those who do as somehow polluting the 'purity' of the sport. We are to their peddling prose what Little Wayne would be in a painting of Washington Crossing the Delaware.
Which is why it's just so much fun to mess with them...

I'd like to share one of my stories with you, if I may.

I'd just left the recreation center where I'd been lifting weights and I was pretty tired. The hot shower made me even sleepier. But the ride home was only about three miles, the sky was pink and red as the sun was starting to set so I had a beautiful ride home ahead of me.
Then it happened... Out of nowhere, a blur raced past me, inches from my mountain bike. I know his bike and equipment probably cost more than I make in a couple of months, and it wasn't like I was expecting him to toss me a lace doily as he blasted past me, but an "excuse me," or a "good day," would have sufficed.
Well, this guy started to slow down a little bit ahead of me and pace himself and that's when I realized that he had just punked me. I guess he figured that he'd blow by the 'amateur' with the street clothes and backpack riding the generic mountain bike and then imagine himself taking his victory lap.
"Oh no you didn't." Cue the Hill Topper.
One of the things I love best about this product is the stealthiness of it. From a distance, the motor looks like a front wheel disc brake and the battery pack looks like a tool bag. And it's quiet... so very, very quiet.
In about a half a minute I was gaining on Lord Spandex himself. The moment he caught a glimpse of me in the mirror mounted on his Jedi helmet, the race was on! At first, he just started peddling normally thinking that he would broaden the gap, but I just smiled and kept on peddling, yawning deeply as I gained even more ground on him. Now I know that he's thinking to himself "wtf?" because he's standing up and peddling crazy like his honor is at stake or something. As we approach the four way stop sign a couple of cars pull up on the opposite cross streets and I'm thinking, "No way, he's not going to..."
Yep, he did...
He ran the stop sign and made a hard left to the south, forcing one of the drivers to hit his brakes. I stopped, shook my head and caught my breath. I didn't know that there was a carload of UT sorority girls behind me following the whole thing. After I made my turn, they passed me, honked their horn and tossed a few war whoops my way.
...And they say there's no justice.

:twisted:
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Re: Messin' with the "purists."

Postby T.Pekoe » Tue Aug 24, 2010 4:14 pm

Fun read, nicely written. :)
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Re: Messin' with the "purists."

Postby Mike » Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:50 am

LOL. Best post ever.
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